Ever since I was a little girl I had been afraid of fire. It had never been a huge problem: I noticed it only when somebody asked me to light a match. Since I didn’t smoke, I had rarely even been aware of this. Until I moved to Italy when I was 18 and I was asked to light the hot plates, which worked with gas. I just had to put a match close to the plate in order to switch the gas on. Nothing easier than this. But not for me. I felt panic. It was that precise moment that I became really aware of having a fire phobia. Apparently, there was no reason for it. No childhood trauma, nothing.
I started to learn about past life regressions when I was 17 years old. Instead of reading novels like my friends, I absorbed concepts about the afterlife from Kübler Ross, Raymond Moody, Brian Weiss or Roger Woolger. Later on in my life, I yearned for doing a regression by myself but I hesitated. I was pretty sure that I would find myself in some dark past burned at a stake. I didn’t know why, but in my fantasy I located this scene in India, where I imagined myself as one of those famous widows burned alive after their husbands had died. I had read M.M Kaye´s The Far Pavilions, and it had made a deep impression on me when I was a teenager.
In my late thirties, I had overcome this fear and started doing regressions. And indeed, one of my first experiences brought me to India, but it has been just the vision of a woman preparing bread in a simple round house in the countryside. The first regressions were simple scenes, short and almost insignificant. But they let my confidence grow that there was indeed something to look at, and that I just needed more practice. In 2009, I had a very deep spontaneous regression, where I found myself in the gas chamber of a concentration camp.[1] However, this regression happened after a very difficult pneumonia, which I had been suffering from for 10 years and which was healed by that regression. The point here is that during my illness, I started hearing a voice in my head, which spoke to me.
No, I was not driving mad at that time, but freely connecting to that, what others call “spirit”. For me it was “the voice”. It was gentle, only coming when I called upon it and giving me a lot of information what my illness was about and many other things. During these days, the voice became so natural to me, that I thought this would last forever.
After this episode, however, I got back to my normal life and concentrated upon my work and my family. My head was always full of things to do and never got dissociated, which is needed for this kind of communication. So I lost the connection. I did not even really notice it, so much was I occupied.
On August 11th, 2012, I was cooking pasta for my family in a big pot with boiling water. It happened when I took the pot in order to pour the pasta into a colander, when suddenly I threw nearly four liters of boiling water on myself. I scalded myself horrendously. With my legs up to the knees, my groins, everything had become a kind of raw meat. I screamed, ordered my husband to cut as much Aloe Vera leaves as he could and then flew to my bed where I lay down, unable to say a word. Fortunately, I had many plants growing in my garden. Over the next few days I could do nothing but change the leaves which I put on the scalds.[2] I had plenty of time to think, while I refused to go to the hospital, as my husband continuously asked me to do, deeply worried about possible infections of the scalds. There were these three repeating thoughts which I could not get out of my mind.
- The first was that strong impression that there had been a purpose, a reason why I had spilled water on myself scalding my legs. I had not stumbled at all. While I was taking the pot, just for a fracture of time, I had the impression of a protrusion coming out from “nothing”, in front of me, not a hand, but something which acted like a hand and HELPED me with the water. I was absolutely sure that I had DECIDED to do have this accident with the water. This was a quiet strange impression since I had no masochistic tendencies!
- The second was an image I had in my head: an Emmenthal cheese, that one with holes in it. I felt that this boiling water was connected to another episode in time and space. I believe that time is just an illusion and all things happen contemporaneously. Thus, if we imagine time as a cheese, each hole represents an incarnation. Each incarnation is intimately connected to all of the others. I felt that the boiling water was linked to some bigger event in another dimension of time and space. So, while I was lying on the bed, struggling against my tremendous pain, I understood that in the same moment I scalded myself, something much bigger must have happened to some other “me”.
- The third thing I could not take out of my mind were images from a stake. It was always the same image, a big stake, several women on it, in some square of a medieval town. I started putting things together and asked myself whether it was possible that an event could be so powerful that it reflected upon other (past or future) lifetimes? Thus, if “the other me” had been burnt at a stake, could it be that I “felt” it, to some extent, in other lifetimes as well? I became more and more aware that the purpose of the boiling water was to take away some of the high energy released during the stake-episode, distributing it on many lifetimes. In other words, every incarnation of my soul has collaborated with that lifetime on the stake, in order to make the transition easier for the woman being killed. It was like a burden shared by multiple “me’s”. My part in my actual lifetime was the boiling water and my handling of the pain afterwards. Interestingly, the element contrary to fire is water. So if you want to switch off the fire, or in other words, take away its energy, you throw water on it. So possibly, it is not a casualty that water played a major rule in this experience.
When I realized this, I felt very quiet, for every piece of that puzzle had fallen into its place.
During these days, when I nearly could not move, I communicated once again with “the voice”. I asked questions and got answers.[1] It was in this way that I received the information about shared pain of multiple personalities. Long conversations took place and only a few that I took notice of, as it was such a normal status for me. I knew, the voice was some kind of higher perspective of myself, but for some reason it was easier to personify it “outside of my person”. In one of our conversations, the voice told me, that his name was Sahel. He then mentioned a prior existence of mine. It was that time I first heard the name of “Ana”. I did not know much more about her, just that she had died on a stake.
Let’s have a look how the episode of the boiling water shows up astrologically:
The quality of the accident (event chart) is indicated by the ASC in Scorpio, a water sign, and its ruler Mars. Mars is the natural ruler of accidents. The first thing one would associate with boiling water is Mars in either a fire or else in a water sign. But this is not the case. Mars is in airy Libra, which rather describes hot air, and refers to the exact moment when I took the pot: the water was boiling (air). Nevertheless, his depositor Venus IS in a water sign. This brings together fire (Mars), air (vapor, the sign Mars is in) and water (AC in water, Mars dispositor Venus in water). Mars is aspected by the Sun, exactly on the degree of his exaltation, adding heat.
Mars rules illnesses or that what harms health (6th house), in this case the accident. He’s in the 12th house of hidden things[1] or things happened prior to birth. [2], [3] But he also rules my ASC, representing myself. Thus the accident was caused by myself and has to do with things which happened prior to my birth (Mars in the 12th house).
In this event, I harmed myself. Please note that the transit chart is a daychart and thus Mars is the malefic out of sect. From Hellenistic astrology we know the concept that if the ASC ruler is a malefic out of sect, he is dangerous for the born, indicating self harm.[4] Mars in Libra rules the belly, reins and secrets.[5]. I scalded my pubis, which was not so terrible, worse were the groins, which I think are shown by Mars position here.[6] Mars is applying to a conjunction with Saturn. Saturn in Libra describes the thighs. Mars and Saturn are on the left side of the chart (east) which describes either the right side of a body or the upper side,[7] in my case the legs were scalded only on the upper side, but both sides. The planets are in cardinal Libra, indicating west or left. My left leg was the most compromised.
Saturn as the outermost planet (of the visible planetary objects) is also associated with the skin. His nature shows some kind of lack. The skin was lacking.
Venus, in this timed event chart, rules the 12th chart, indicating something linked to a “female presence” in a moment “prior to birth”. So this accident is disposed by Venus. The planet is nearly in exact opposition to my natal Jupiter and transiting Pluto.[8] Pluto is associated with destruction, violence and transformation. This violence is opposed to the interests of Venus and Venus happens to be in the 8th house (death) of the event chart, so it has to do with the death of the woman. Correlating with my natal chart, natal Jupiter (natural significator for religion) is in detriment and transiting Pluto joins him by conjunction. Might this eventually show the conflict of the religious institution and its dark side (inquisition)?
One year later on June 2nd, 2013, I got more information. At that point, I was still doing regressions sometimes, but had also become aware that I did not need autohypnosis. I actually was able to remember without it, I just needed a paper and a pen. I started to write, at the beginning usually in some kind of diary style, but quickly becoming dissociated. In this state, I was able to communicate with Sahel. On June 2nd I was washing dishes and felt the desire to speak to him again and called him. I asked him for the reason why Ana had died on that stake.
I heard his answer in my head and wrote it down successively.
Ana has been denounced by her neighbours who knew that she worked with herbal medicines. [He did not tell me, but I understood she was an obstetrician]. Ana would talk to anybody and did not distinguish between good and bad persons. She had no insight into human nature and was trusting of everybody. But she also talked too much. Ana’ own family had to assist her death. From that life you have learned not to give confidence. In the following existences, for example Rebecca[9], you have retired from the world, because you felt betrayed. You had not released that feeling yet and were thus required to face it again. Indeed, these two lives are very much connected. In your actual lifetime you often feel the weight of the two existences, therefore you feel obliged to face the world alone, you do not feel ready or you feel inferior to others or you have the conviction that you need to know more. In some past existences, on the contrary, you’ve blown much smoke.[10]
I became tired and the conversation stopped.
I asked Sahel for the reason, Ana had died on a stake.
If I had looked at this event chart as it was a consultation chart, I would have guessed that the topic was on death or related matters. Indeed, four of the seven classical (transit-) planets are in my natal 8th house (Mars, Sun, Jupiter and Venus). All of them are peregrine. Mercury, ruler of my natal 8th is in the 9th: death is associated with the church.
The ruler of the “secret matters” (12th house) is Venus (Ana) in the 8th, received by Mercury (death) in the 9th (religion).
The transiting Moon is in my natal 6th house, (I wonder if this is a hint that Ana was an obstetrician) in conjunction to my natal Moon/Venus position and applying to transit Uranus (outburst of something). Both, transit Moon and transit Uranus are in opposition to my natal Pluto in the 12th (hidden or secret things).
Then, once again, one year later, on November 11th, 2014 around 10 p.m. I got more information. This time I wrote my question down: Dear Sahel, could you tell me of that existence in which fire played a major role?
This is what I got:
1439 Spain.
A square of a small village. Many people had come. Some women were to be executed. You were one of them and you knew the other two. In the village everybody knew everybody else. You were the youngest of the three. You had been assisting women in labor with herbs, but one woman and her baby had died after a very difficult delivery. Eventually the woman lost much blood during the breech delivery. You had recognized in advance that this birth would have been difficult and you were afraid to assist her, but it was your duty and the woman’s husband was a very influential person. After the woman’s death, her husband denounced you by the ecclesiastic authorities, which judged you guilty. Nobody had the guts to defend you in front of the court. You felt betrayed and trapped. Some day after the funeral of the woman [Matilda?] they prepared the square. First, they fixed the three poles. You three were tethered in a way you were unable to look at each other. People were much afraid of the eye contact between witches that was believed to enable them to help each other.
Artwork by Elizabeth Cura. Find her at www.elizabethcura.com
There was an old lady with you and another one approximately of your age. The wife of the shoemaker was accused of having manufactured a pair of shoes that had made the client’s feet bleed. The other one had a fruit and vegetable shop. When they brought you to the stake you were nearly swooning out terror. You immediately started to breathe profoundly the smoke, before you even felt the fire. Your name was Ana.
Me: Did I have children and a husband?
Sahel: Your husband had to assist your execution.
You died at age 28, in March 1439.
These were terrible times. A few words from one person were sufficient to condemn another. You were very religious. You were calling for God while the stake was burning. But the very fact that you were dying on that stake has also induced you of not being confident about God anymore. You started to see Him in a suspicious way, as He was responsible of your death and you lost your faith.
Me: Did I have other possibilities to act or behave? [I wanted to know if I possibly could have chosen not to die or at least not at this point].
Sahel: You had the strong intuition that assisting that woman would be dramatic but you decided nevertheless to take that risk.
The fact that you did not have children did not help you. An infertile woman was evil. You were not too worried about that because you thought you would still have time for having your own children, and you felt like the mother of all the babies you had helped to be born. But things had become complicated for quite a while. Simple herbal infusions were looked at suspiciously and many husbands decided that you should not use these infusions for their wifes. In this way things got worse for the women in labor and you suffered with them because you knew that you could have avoided certain complications. You developed rage against their husbands and did not accept that the men decided what their wifes should or should not do and which medicines they were allowed to take. It’s not that you were imprudent, it was rather a mix of events. You did not want to believe that somebody might denounce you for your work.
Me: Which is my lesson from Ana’s life?
Trust your intuition rather than what people say or promise.
Let’s check the chart for this event.
This time I asked if Sahel could talk me about my incarnation when fire played a major rule. So this question was a more generic one; at that time, I already knew Ana died on a stake, but had no further information about her life circumstances.
Once again, four out of the seven classical planets are joined together, this time in my first house which generally describes “life”.
Saturn is exactly conjunct my ASC, and nearly exact transiting Venus and Sun. I learned in this regression that had been accused or betrayed by her neighbours (Saturn ruler 3rd house). Saturn is the major malefic and out of sect and describes things like guilt, betrayal, shame or injustice. Sun, Saturn and Venus square my natal Sun/Mercury, showing some challenge (square) [1] of my actual “self”.
Once again, nearly one year later, I came up with new information. I did a regression. It was the 13th of October 2015. This time, I listened to a CD. Its goal was it to go back to some memory from the Bardo, which can be considered as some kind of “in between” place. It’s where we are received by our loved ones (or the religious figures we believe in) before we go “further”. It represents some kind of checkpoint. I had been in that place before in another regression. But this time the experience was very different.
My relaxation was very deep. What follows, is the transcription of the notes I took immediately afterward.
[Present tense]
I am re-living the scene of Ana’s death on the stake. I see all these laughing faces, people amused to see me burning, or else, so much indifference. I know all of them. I assisted many of them, some I helped while they were born. Why do they treat me like this? Don’t they remember me? Why are they doing this to me and nobody defends me?
I feel betrayed. Then I go to my husband (I already have left my body). He is still gazing at the stake. Two kids are with him. He has their faces turned on his legs, so they won’t see. They are small, but they had been forced to assist my execution. They were both about 3-4 years old. I tell them that I do love them so much [I start crying intensely, the emotions are overwhelming] and I repeat this many, many times. I have the impression that the smaller of them sees me, just for a moment. [1]
Then, in some kind of tunnel of light, I see the woman and the baby whose death I had been accused of. They smile at me and they calm me, making me understand, that their death was not my fault. [Until this moment, I realize, I had accepted to feel guilty].
I understand that the man who betrayed me must have suffered very much because of their death. He had been so blinded by inconsolable sense of vengeance, that he accused me of witchery, well knowing that this was a death sentence. He had hoped that this would alleviate his pain, but it only left a sense of emptiness in him. I go to my betrayer, to the husband of the dead woman. It is not my fault, I could not do anything, I explain to him. I cannot see his face, but I understand that this man is my eldest son in my actual lifetime. I tell him that I love him, that everything is ok now. My heart is full of love.[2]
I also realize that I am overloaded with responsibilities; I literally feel their burden on my back.[3] That kind of responsibilities one cannot escape from. Then I see my mother in the Bardo (she had died in 2002). Or is it my stepfather (who died in 2004)? At that moment, my phone rings and interrupts “the meeting”[4]. But in my head, I hear these words:
It was not my fault. I do not have to feel guilty. You cannot convince me of having done things that I did not. I helped you all. I have the back straight. (I visualized a straight back without carrying any burden).
I do not answer the phone and the vision continues. Something has changed. Now I see that in the middle of the people on the square there were also many who did not want to look at the stake. Some people are hiding their tears. Others are there and look at the stake just because they are afraid of retaliation. I see many women with some kind of dark expression. Perhaps they know it could have been them on the stake. Their faces are seemingly without emotions, but might this be only a masquerade? How many of them had I seen giving birth and afterwards embracing their children? I have seen strong and hard women becoming sweet and soft. I do feel less betrayed now. I recognize that I played my role and that all of us have their own reasons to act as they do in this universal play.
This realization caused a huge relief and something in my actual life actually changed. Something felt “healed”.
Here is the chart (not exactly timed, but late morning).
This was the most amazing of the three regressions.
Detrimental Venus is opposing Neptune, the vision started seeing Ana helpless and feeling betrayed. Then Venus applies Mars (stake, fire). After this she applies to Jupiter who is in his fall in the 11th house. Ana felt betrayed by friends and her community and for just doing her job (Jupiter conjunct MC). Jupiter is the exaltation ruler of the 9th house (church, God) who also “failed” (fall) in her opinion.
Ana had been condemned for having “caused” the death of a woman and her baby while she was working as an obstetrician (Venus/Moon in the 6th house of health service related activities). This chart is a picture of a message/lesson (Mercury) from the Bardo (12th house) concerning the death (Mercury, ruler 8th house) of a woman and a baby (opposition Moon and Venus).
In 2015, my profected AC ruler was Mercury, no wonder that “messages” came from beyond the veil. The New Moon 12th house close to Daimon and Uranus shows that something has been sown which links my past (12th house) to my mission in this lifetime (trine Sun).
In this regression I experienced a profound healing process. The feeling of betrayal gave way to a deep understanding and forgiving [transiting Venus trined my natal Jupiter and Spirit (6° Capricorn) and transiting Jupiter exactly trined Pluto)], which also reflects on my life now.
I do think that there is a reason when we are allowed to see images from the past, in whichever way they are transmitted to us. There is something relevant about them, for our present lifetime. Finished business has no reason to come up.
This article has previously been published in the AA Journal.
© Tania Daniels, 2018 all rights reserved.
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*Shall they be burnt at the people’s presence. (In)famous Latin sentence from the constitution of Inconsutilem of 1231 which introduced the stake as a punishment for heresy by Emperor Frederick II.
[1] This experience has been published by the Infinty Astrological Magazine in2017 and you can also read about this on my webpage.http://www.taniadaniels.com/opening-windows-connecting-times/
[2] I cured myself only with fresh Aloe Vera leaves which I put in the fridge in order to cool them and 3 days later I started to applicate Hypericum oil. I have no scars left. However, this is not meant to be a recommendation to do so for other people.
[3 There are different ways of “receiving information”. Those I use are:
- The spontaneous regression is surely the most “urgent”. The information is very important for actual problems in the current lifetime.
- (auto) Hypnosis This is a method to enter deeply in the personality of a past life. The deeper the relaxation in, the more information comes up. The relaxation mode makes it possible to bypass the filters of our actual personality. These filters make it impossible for experiences or information to arise which are not accepted by our believe system.
- Automatic writing is pretty easy and quick but not as deep as hypnosis yet there a various “depths”. I have the impression that these experiences from automatic writing are more focused on the thoughts or emotions of that “the other me”. It is thus more Moon-based, so to say. By this I mean that the point of view is more subjective, the memories of the person may overlap or the scenes may be a result from different moments in time. There is also another “problem” As my hand brings memories down to paper my brain and thus its filters become activated. The filters follow my belief system, thus things I do not accept as “real” or “possible” or just “acceptable” might not come through or be misinterpreted.
- Dissociated consciousness is a form of relaxation which happens often when we do simple things or routine jobs which do not require any rational process, like dish washing, sitting in the auto bus or going for a walk. The mind becomes dissociated, in other words it is not concentrated upon anything and can thus receive information.
[4] As I stated earlier, I had the clear sensation of some kind of protrusion coming out of nothing. This classifies as a 12th house matter, similar to ghosts ecc.
[5] Mars and Saturn are both within 5° of the 12th house cusp.
[6] Rhetorius states: [The 12th hose describes] everything which happens before the moment of the native’s birth, both for the mother and the child, since this sign rises prior to the separation of the two. See Rhetorius the Egyptian, Holden translation, American Federation of Astrologers, 2009, p.43
He also calls this place Metakosmos “the between worlds”.
[7] Vettius Valens, Anthology, 7, 2:5-7 Schmidt translation
[8] Lilly, CA, p. 119
[9] The problem were the painful sore bubbles in the groins.
[10] Lilly, CA, p. 263
[11] Pluto is not used in traditional astrology, but as we live in a different time period and the planet HAS been discovered which since, I do consider him.
[12] I learned from that incarnation in which I was an herb woman in 2011
[13] I think he means that I used to show myself wiser than I actually was and that I hide my ignorance or lack of knowledge. I other words I talked about or practised things I had no idea of.
14] A square has usually a negative touch as it denotes, as Bernadette Brady states “ the need to take action”. It shows difficulties and the necessity to take decisions which might be hard. But this does also represent a challenge to change or adjust things for the better. In this specific case I think it adds difficult information which is not only positive, as it deals with some limits of Ana.
[15] As you will have noticed in these three regressions I did there is a major incongruency regarding her family. These differences might be the result of the different kind of regressions I did. For example, in the very first session, Sahel does not mention Ana’s children, on the other hand, he does not say there were none. In my automatic writing, I saw Ana without children, eventually having problems for her being considered infertile. In the last and far deepest regression, I saw two small children. I am not sure if these children were hers or if she had married a widower with small kids or if the information that she had was coming from a different time frame or from earlier in her life. It’s also possible that the fact of being considered more easily a witch when a woman was infertile was mainly a concern for her or part of her belief system.
[16] The feeling of love and overall understanding is common in the bardo.
[17] I actually suffer from continuous back pain.
[18] This is not new to me at all. Every time I am about to meet my mum, there is always something happening. A phone rings, a door opens or I speak to her only by phone (but do not “see” her). Actually, I never did, in my dreams we are in contact, as that was the most normal thing in the world, as we lived close one to the other, we just never see each other.
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